We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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