did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
