I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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