Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
