..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This is not my ceiling
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
