take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
