Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
