Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
