That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
