Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
