Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
