wat bout pragnant strippers??
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
