Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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