perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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