Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
