he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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