I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
