Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
