clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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