last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
