Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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