i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
