You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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