i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
