I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
