Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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