I'm laying in your front yard are you home
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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