I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
