It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
