Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
