I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
