I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's never too late to be topless.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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