Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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