All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
