Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
