no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
