he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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