Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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