so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
