did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
