Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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