Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
