So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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