Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
