I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
