Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
