i may or may not be watching the land before time
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
