WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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