I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
In America we eat man semen.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize