You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
