She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
