i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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