when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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