Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
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I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
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Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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