Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
