Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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