And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
