You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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