All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
