You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
whose ass print is on the piano?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
