I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My pussy is not your playground.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
