I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
