i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
