Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
