tell your sister to shave her snatch
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
