After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
