U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
