I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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