dude i'm inner monologue high
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
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make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
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I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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