I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
They are going to name an STD after you.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize