No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
