Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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