Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
