i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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