i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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