There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
