Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.