i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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