Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again