I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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