She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours