if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
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Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
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Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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