when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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