Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
