yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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