Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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