we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
