I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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